I often feel like a fraud when I am with people who are either conventionally religious or have no spiritual leanings. In other words, ‘normal’ people who believe this world is real and are caught up in all aspects of surviving and succeeding in the world. Many believe that God made the world and that all the setbacks, tragedies, betrayals and disillusionments are His way of testing us. As a Course student I see how different my worldview is and how I have changed and grown, and often feel that I am hiding from people by not trying to explain to them what I have learned and where I am headed. At times I do say something when it seems pertinent, but it may be the wrong thing to say at that time.
For example, a friend was telling me about how someone had disrespected her during a conversation. She was very angry. I gently suggested to her that this reaction may be coming from the ego. She became very agitated and said “I don’t have an ego, I DON’T have an ego. I am the most humble person you could meet.” She sees expression of the ego as being puffed up and superior and her ego rose up in defence when confronted with the truth. I knew I had made a mistake so I went back to hearing her and supporting her in her distress.
When I read today’s lesson, which I have read and studied before, I saw it with new eyes and sighed a huge sigh of relief. Jesus talks about two paths that people take in this world. There are those who renounce the world, like monks for instance. They still believe in the world, so they feel they are making a sacrifice by renouncing its pleasures. Others are fully invested in the illusion of the world and have suffered loss too, but don’t understand why.
If truth demanded they give up the world, it would appear to them as if it asked the sacrifice of something that is real. Many have chosen to renounce the world while still believing its reality, and they have suffered from a sense of loss and have not been released accordingly. Others have chosen nothing but the world, and they have suffered from a sense of loss still deeper, which they have not understood. [CE W-155.4]
Jesus goes on to say that there is another way, the way for us Course students to be in the world. Inwardly we are renouncing the world like the monks, but we have none of the outward trappings, such as shaved heads or special clothing and rituals that have distinguished religious traditions through the ages. In terms of outer appearance, we blend in. The difference is on the inside:
You do not change appearance, though you smile more frequently. Your forehead is serene, your eyes are quiet. And the ones who walk the world as you do recognize their own. Yet those who have not yet perceived the way will recognize you also, and believe that you are like them, as you were before. [CE W-155.1]
So we blend in, not because we are hiding and ashamed or afraid but because this is how we work. By appearing to be the same as everyone and yet allowing them to see the light in us, we can lead them where we are headed: back to God.
You walk this path as others walk, nor do you seem to be distinct from them, although you are indeed. Thus can you serve them while you serve yourself, and set their footsteps on the way which God has opened up to you, and them through you. [CE W-155.5:3-4]
This is how I go through life and now, instead of feeling like a fraud, I feel I am straddling two worlds and not retreating from either, because I have a role to play as a leader, healer and guide. Whenever I am in a social situation I quietly bless everyone there, usually with something from the Course, such as “I bless you brother, with the love of God.” Whenever I hear of someone who is sick or hurting in some way, I send them healing, acknowledging they are not their body or their ego, and see in them the shining Face of Christ. Whenever I am out grocery shopping or walking for exercise, I smile and acknowledge everyone who crosses my path. I maintain communication with my friends and family and check on them regularly.
I fully take to heart this gentle admonition from my brother and guide, Jesus:
Walk safely now, yet carefully, because this path is new to you, and you will find that you are tempted still to walk ahead of truth and let illusion be your guide. Your holy brothers have been given you to follow in your footsteps as you walk with certainty of purpose to the truth. It goes before you now, that they may see something with which they can identify; something they understand to lead the way. [CE W-155.9]
My certainty of purpose comes from stepping aside and embracing my function which the Holy Spirit has already accepted for me, and letting Him lead the way. I will be told what to do, where to go, what to say and to whom. Letting go is not easy. We are constantly planning and working to control every aspect of our lives. But from personal experience I know that the more we let go, the more smoothly our lives flow and the more purposeful we become. And using the example of my interaction with my friend, it doesn’t mean I never say anything, but that I say what I am guided to, when I am guided.
Stepping back and letting Him lead the way, is the ONLY way.