My intent as a serious student of A Course in Miracles is to apply Course teachings to my life in general, and more especially when life throws curveballs at me. I walked into the ensuite early one morning some weeks ago, on my way to the toilet, and stepped in water. The bathroom was a flow with water and my husband and I assumed it was somehow related to the heavy rains we’d been having for several hours, which may have caused a blockage and led to water coming up from the drainage hole. But after mopping and drying, it was evident the water hadn’t stopped and was coming from under the vanity cabinet. A call to the insurance company was followed by people trekking in to make assessments and take moisture readings, a dryer being placed to dry the floor area in the adjacent bedroom, which meant part of the carpet being lifted and a dehumidifier installed which made everything hot and yukky. And seemingly endless discussions with the insurance company and related parties, and hordes of tradies (Australian slang for tradespeople) traipsing in and out of our home.
About four weeks after the first incident, we noticed that the kitchen island cabinetry was starting to warp and crack around the bottom. Further investigation showed there was excessive moisture under the bench and this led to further discussions with insurance and the whole unit being removed, with more drying equipment and more noise and heat.
Enter the Course. In the terms of this illusory world, this situation is a nuisance, something to get tense and anxious about and feel unsettled and even upset. After all, our peaceful, tranquil existence is suddenly threatened by this unexpected situation. How do I approach this from a Course perspective? As I am currently studying the Manual for Teachers, I want to approach my response from the point of view of the characteristics of advanced Course teachers as outlined in the Manual:
- Trust: There is a power that is not of this world. If I trust in this power, if I put my trust in the Holy Spirit, knowing He has my back, even if I don’t fully understand this trust or what it means, I can step back from any situation and replace any anxiety, uncertainty and tension with trust. I decide that I will trust that the situation will work out in the best interests of all concerned. I also acknowledge that if this is a lesson that is repeating because I didn’t learn it the first time, then I want the Holy Spirit to help me to learn whatever I am meant to, this time around.1
“The teachers of God have trust in the world because they have learned that it is not governed by the laws the world made up. It is governed by a Power That is in them but not of them. It is this Power That keeps all things safe. It is through this Power that the teachers of God look on a forgiven world.” [CE M-4.I.1:4-6] - Honesty: The level of total honesty indicated in this section appears to be lofty beyond anything achievable by humans, but I aspire to such a level of honesty. The level of integrated wholeness within and without that is described here moves me almost to tears. And in this situation of the water leaks and related disturbance to our daily lives, it is important that I behave with the level of honesty that removes conflict and chaos from an already challenging situation. It means deferring to my husband, who is in charge of this project, of working with him to do whatever is required and to not make life harder for him by asserting myself and wanting to do things my way. It also means acknowledging what I am feeling and applying Course practices, and also remembering that I am here only to be truly helpful.
“Such are the truly honest. At no level are they in conflict with themselves. Therefore it is impossible for them to be in conflict with anyone or anything.” [CE M-4.II.1:7-9] - Tolerance: To have tolerance is to refuse to judge. How hard that is. What do we do most of the time but judge? Each time we meet someone new, every time we have a conversation, even with our closest friends, aren’t we constantly judging? I am alert to whether I am judging my husband and even when I don’t agree with something he is doing or the way he handles a particular aspect of the situation, I stop myself from criticising and allow him to proceed.
“Without judgment are all men brothers, for who is there who stands apart? Judgment destroys honesty and shatters trust. No teacher of God can judge and hope to learn.” [CE M-4.III.1:9-11] - Gentleness: Gentleness is strength. This is such an important lesson in a world where being gentle is seen as a sign of weakness and being assertive, fighting for one’s rights, setting boundaries and ‘giving it’ to anyone who appears to be attacking you is the norm. Being gentle with children is easy. Being gentle with those who seem to be attacking you? Not easy. I want gentleness to be the strength that carries me through this situation. When I am inclined to be upset that the insurance company and other parties involved in the claims process are not proceeding in the manner we expect, I remember and attempt to apply gentleness.
“And who would choose the weakness that must come from harm in place of the unfailing, all-encompassing, and limitless strength of gentleness?” [CE M-4.IV.2:7] - Joy: A recurring theme in the Course and a particular favourite of mine, not because I am joyful all the time, far from it, but because it is what I truly aspire to. In the context of this section, gentleness is joy. If I approach everyone and every situation with gentleness, joy is the natural outcome. As I approach this situation and everyone I come into contact with, with gentleness, the inevitable result is joy, both for me and them.
” Joy is the inevitable result of gentleness. Gentleness means that fear is now impossible, and what could come to interfere with joy? The open hands of gentleness are always filled. The gentle have no pain. They cannot suffer. Why would they not be joyous?” [CE M-4.V.1:1-6] - Defencelessness: The Course teaches that we can never be truly attacked because we were created by God as totally perfect and innocent. This world and everything it contains is an illusion, including the bodies that we think we are. While our bodies can appear to get sick and be threatened and under attack, who we truly are cannot be threatened. Therefore, we can be defenceless as there is no need for defence, ever. I can take a defenceless approach when discussing the situation with my husband, which will help him to also be less combative and more open to respectful communication.
“It is not danger that comes when defenses are laid down. It is safety. It is peace. It is joy. And it is God.” [CE M-4.VI.1:10-14] - Generosity: In this world generosity means giving something away and therefore losing it or not having it anymore. In other words, giving away means giving up. In the Course’s terms, generosity means giving away in order to keep. What are we giving away? Everything. The tangible and intangible. We give away our time, our care, help in a time of need; we give away things, our money. The more we give the more we gain. A hard concept but one the Course is determined to drum into us. In my present circumstance generosity is not losing sight of the people whom I’ve been supporting and helping through difficult times, instead of letting my personal circumstances overwhelm me and take over my life. It means uncomplainingly emptying out the bathroom cabinet in oppressive heat. It means organising meals and cleaning and washing up when there is no available running water. It means spending two whole days cooking and freezing food in anticipation of the kitchen bench being demolished.
“To the world, generosity means “giving away” in the sense of “giving up.” To the teacher of God, it means giving away in order to keep.” [CE M-4.VII.1:4-5]
“The teacher of God is generous out of self-interest. This does not refer, however, to the self the world speaks of. The teacher of God does not want anything he cannot give away, because he realizes it would be valueless to him by definition.” [CE M-4.VII.2:1-3] - Patience: Patience is so hard because we are so busy constantly trying to manipulate and control every aspect of our lives, and to hurry things along. But what if, regardless of what we are experiencing and how we interpret it, a happy outcome is assured? It may not seem that way at the time, but we are to trust that this is so. I can trust that there will be a happy outcome to the leaks in the bathroom and the kitchen. I can exercise patience when I wake up in the morning after another night of sleeping in the spare room and to another day of making do. This does not mean that there will be no inconvenience, no difficult communications, or that the matter will be resolved in the timeframe in which I want it to be resolved. It means that a happy outcome is assured.
I am also patient in supporting my husband as he continues to communicate with various parties in relation to detecting where the leak is coming from, which is the first step and seems to be taking a long time. I patiently type out a document detailing the timeline from when the leak occurred, detailing all communications, names and contact information.
“Patience is natural to those who trust. Sure of the ultimate interpretation of all things in time, no outcome already seen or yet to come can cause them fear.” [CE M-4.VIII.1:9-10] - Faithfulness: I need to be faithful in bringing all aspects of my life to this learning. I will work hard to not hang onto some aspects of my life to tend to myself, as opposed to handing over every aspect to the Holy Spirit, in the mistaken view that I know best in this instance, or for fear that the Holy Spirit will send me in a direction I do not want to go. I faithfully bring this matter of the leaks and all related complexities to the Holy Spirit and trust His guidance at all times.
⁴Faithfulness is the teacher of God’s trust in the Word of God to set all things right; not some, but all.” [CE M-4.IX.1:4]
“True faithfulness, however, does not deviate. Being consistent, it is wholly honest. Being unswerving, it is full of trust. Being based on fearlessness, it is gentle. Being certain, it is joyous. And being confident, it is tolerant. Defenselessness attends it naturally and joy is its condition. Faithfulness, then, combines in itself the other attributes of God’s teachers.” [CE M-4.IX.2:1-8] - Open-Mindedness: The final characteristic, open-mindedness, is the opposite of judgment. in this article Robert Perry describes the Course’s view of open-mindedness, as a way in which we view the world. This way “doesn’t see people as bodies, but as pure spirit. It doesn’t see them as flawed personalities, but as perfect divine beings who are merely identifying with a personality that is not them. It doesn’t see them as lovable based on their behavior, but as lovable regardless of their behavior. And it doesn’t see them as guilty when they misbehave, but as forever radiant with the holiness of God.”
” If we can truly open our minds to this view, we will enter a world of “beauty that will enchant you, and will never cease to cause you wonderment at its perfection.” [CE T-17.II.2:6]
Am I doing it all perfectly? Of course not. There has been tension, cross words spoken, disagreements and occasional lapses into tense silence. There has been some questioning on my part about whether we could handle the claim differently. There were times when I was frustrated and upset about the slowness of the process and when the insurance company kept stalling. When we were kept in limbo with no solutions being offered. I would huff and puff for a while, but then remember who I am and that a happy outcome was assured. I remembered the Holy Spirit is really in charge and I stepped aside yet again. My husband and I repeatedly remind ourselves this is a ‘First World problem’.
Seven weeks after the intial leak, I am seated at my laptop at the dining table, with the dehumidifier providing background music and plenty of heat, and a vacant space where the kitchen island used to be. We are constantly reminded of how much we used that island bench. Not just the tap and sinks for washing up but the bench itself: for food preparation; for placing bags of groceries before transferring items to where they belong; for serving meals and so much more. But as we have done already, traipsing to the laundry to wash dishes and utensils, we adapt.
We are in the process of organising quotes and deciding on a design for the replacement kitchen island. Several decisions have to be made and we take a step at a time. We expect to have full use of the kitchen and bathroom in a few weeks. Till then, we will work together to do what needs to be done.
As I write about us working together, I ask myself if that is what this whole water leak saga has been about. The Course came about as a response to Helen and Bill deciding to move away from conflict and find a way to cooperate. Could this be a further manifestation of what I’ve come to believe is the main theme of my husband’s and my journey since we made the decision to move to Queensland from Melbourne? At each stage of our journey (I have written blog posts about the move, which can be found at https://rukibartholomeusz.com/) it has become increasingly clear to me that the real journey appears to be the one the Holy Spirit is leading me on: the journey of healing our relationship, of learning to cooperate and communicate, of replacing grievances and anger with forgiveness and love. I am hopeful that I will recognise and learn the Holy Spirit’s lessons faster so that repetition of lessons will decrease in frequency.
- “Trials are but lessons which you failed to learn presented once again, so where you made a faulty choice before you now can make a better one, and thus escape all pain that what you chose before has brought to you. In every difficulty, all distress, and each perplexity you face, Christ calls to you and gently says, “My brother, choose again.” He would not leave one source of pain unhealed, nor any image left to veil the truth. [CE T-31.IX.3:1-3]“ ↩︎
Wow, what a situation and what an intelligent way to approach it.
We are never prepared for those derailments that happen out of the blue. It’s never the situation but how we deal with it that counts. I can see that when the solution involves relying on others doing their job, it’s even more out of your hands. I loved reading about the guidance the Course is giving you. It’s a lesson we all need to learn and apply to our lives. Wishing you all the best with everything.
Thank you Lilian, for your thoughtful response. It is much appreciated.